:: LiFe iS a rOlLeRcOaStEr ::

moved-

2005-07-13T10:42:00.000+08:00

hello there...

i've moved...

flyme-away.blogspot.com

take care ;)

2005-05-31T19:44:00.000+08:00

busted.

i feel like i'm so terrible at everything.

i have SIX TESTS this week. THREE ON THE SAME DAY.

all i wanna do is cuddle up and sleep in bed to get away from this horrid world.

............

2005-05-21T15:12:00.000+08:00

there's so much going on in my mind...

but i can't get it out...

little things seem to affect me in big ways...

i'm not making any sense...

i'm confused...

lost perhaps...

i **** a *********...

is it so wrong?...

i want someone to talk to...

why do i wake up everyday wishing i were someone else somewhere else...

why do i wish i weren't me? why do i wish for the future to be now? why??

the ice cream van just drove past

2005-05-21T15:04:00.000+08:00

i was just watching the eagles play collingwood....top of the ladder vs. bottom of the ladder...guess what...the eagles lost! i can't believe it..they played like crap and the referees were soooooo bias....

BUT.

the EAGLES will bounce back next week...still...a win-loss record of 8-1 is pretty damn good...they're still in the running...

a damn sexist adjudicator

2005-05-10T21:13:00.000+08:00

men.

hrmph.

2005-04-21T19:53:00.000+08:00

RevolutionariesWritten by Bethany Dillon

Many have traveled this road beforeI see their tracks in the dirtBut maybe I don’t agreeWith where they are leadingAnd who am I, just a youthBut why has that become the excuseA monotone voiceIn my head saying Dreaming all the timeIt’s so foolishYour flood of empty wordsWill drown you in ruinSo we listenShould we listen They shake their headsAs they drive away in the bandwagonDidn’t feel like hitching a rideOh, but I’ll be fineSome nights it’s hard to be aloneI want some kind of kinshipBut the finish lineIt drives me onWhen they say Come with meThey’ll call us revolutionariesCome with me They’ll call us revolutionaries Dreaming all the timeIt’s not foolishYour flood of life giving wordsThey will refresh Should we listenRevolutionaries
Bethany Dillon: Acoustic GuitarMcKenzie Smith: DrumsMark Polack: BassTom Bukovac: GuitarGabe Scott: DobroIan Fitchuk: Hammond B3 Joshua Moore: Electric Guitar, Accordion ©2004 EMI CMG Music Publishing

Great Big MysteryWritten by Ed Cash and Bethany Dillon

Air is dry, the sun is goneWhen I breathe, I breathe aloneTen times a day I cryJust to prove that I’m aliveOh, that I’m alive
I have tried to be the queenI have tried most everythingLeads me to the same placeOn my knees or on my faceOn my knees or on my face
Nations fall when You speakAnd You have spoken over meI am tired of giving in so easilyThe way You keep on loving meIs changing everything I seeIt’s a great big mystery
The fingers on my weathered bowAre giving out and letting goI need You now to take me inI cannot fight alone againCan’t fight alone again
You are the mystery
Dan Needham: DrumsCalvin Turner: BassEd Cash: Wurli, Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitar, ProgrammingBackground Vocals: Bethany Dillon, Katie Adelsberger, Ed Cash
©2004 EMI CMG Music Publishing / Alletrope Music (BMI)

BeautifulWritten by Bethany Dillon and Ed Cash

I was so uniqueNow I feel skin deepCount on the makeup to cover it allCrying myself to sleepBecause I cannot keep their attentionThought I could be strongBut it’s killing me
Does someone hear my cryI’m dying for new life
I want to be beautifulAnd make you stand in aweLook inside my heartAnd be amazedI want to hear you sayWho I am is quite enoughJust want to be worthy of loveAnd beautiful
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than meFighting to make the mirror happyTrying to find whatever is missingWon’t you help me back to glory
You make me beautifulYou make me stand in aweYou step inside my heartAnd I am amazedI love to hear You sayWho I am is quite enoughYou make me worthy of loveAnd beautiful
Bethany Dillon: Acoustic GuitarDan Needham: DrumsCalvin Turner: BassBen Shive: PianoEd Cash: Wurli, Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitar, Programming, SynthBackground Vocals: Bethany Dillon, Ed Cash
©2004 EMI CMG Music Publishing / Alletrope Music (BMI)

Move ForwardWritten by Bethany Dillon

My name is ForeignerFrom a far away landMy feet are covered in earthThey’ve been here and back againAnd I have seenGreat things from a distanceThey beckon meI follow them
And I move forwardI move forwardI move forward to home, to home
My eyes are soft and wiseThey tell a storyOf things left behindDefeat and glory
And I push every hindrance aside
Dan Needham: DrumsCalvin Turner: BassEd Cash: Wurli, Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitar, Programming, PercussionBackground Vocals: Bethany Dillon, Ed Cash
©2004 EMI CMG Music Publishing

For My LoveWritten by Bethany Dillon

Walk towards meI want to hear The heavens singing over youWhen you breatheAnd look at meI want to be captured by you
Gaze into my eyesAnd let me know you’d fightThousands, for my loveSlip your hand in mineAsk me to dance with you tonightJust ask me for my love
I want to hideWhat’s deep in my eyesI’m scared to be known by youBut when I turn my headAnd see you thereI want to be pursued
A dream I won’t wake fromA story that will never endThe ground your feet walk onLet me be there, let me be there
Bethany Dillon: Acoustic GuitarDan Needham: DrumsCalvin Turner: BassBen Shive: PianoEd Cash: Wurli, Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitar, MandolinKen Lewis: PercussionBackground Vocals: Ed Cash
©2004 EMI CMG Music Publishing

All I NeedWritten by Ed Cash, Bethany Dillon, and Dave Barnes

When the day is doneAnd there’s no one else aroundWhile I’m lying here in bedYou’re in my heart, You’re in my headYou’re all I need, You’re all I needThere are a million voicesCalling out my nameBut You’re the One I want to hearSo make the others disappearYou’re all I need, You’re all I need
You are all I need when I’m surroundedYou are all I need if I’m by myselfYou fill me when I’m emptyThere is nothing elseYou’re all I need
When the morning comesAnd Your mercy is renewedThere’s a fire in my bonesI’m not afraid to go aloneYou’re all I need, You’re all I needThe sun on my faceI hear You whisper loudYou’re still the God that opens seasEvery flower, even meYou’re all I need, You’re all I need
I’m drawn to everything that You doNothing compares with You
Dan Needham: DrumsCalvin Turner: BassBen Shive: KeysEd Cash: Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitar, Programming, MandolinBackground Vocals: Bethany Dillon, Ed Cash
©2004 EMI CMG Music Publishing / No Gang (ASCAP) ./ Alletrope Music (BMI)

AimlessWritten by Bethany Dillon and Ed Cash

The curtain falls, down she goesSo long worthAll the applause seems beautifulIt’s got a hold on herShe whispers, “I’ll go home”And then she’s remindedThat she doesn’t know where that is
Thought she belongedBut she knows she don’tThought she had loveBut it is not enoughThe pain inside is speaking to herHow could she feel like thisSo aimless
His glass fallsBreaks into a thousand piecesSpilling out all he’s tried to hide“I only wanted to be strong, to be braveBut it’s driven everyone away”
Thought he belongedBut he knows he don’tThought he had loveBut it is not enoughThe pain inside is speaking to himHow could he feel like thisSo aimless
I’ve been him, and I’ve been herCovered up under the dirtI want to get outI want to be freeAnd know where I’m going
Thought I belongedBut I know I don’tThought I had loveBut it is not enoughAn aching inside speaking to meHow could I feel like thisSo aimless
They’ve always known this wasn’t homeI’ve always known this wasn’t home
Bethany Dillon: Acoustic GuitarDan Needham: DrumsCalvin Turner: BassEd Cash: Organ, Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitar, PianoBackground Vocals: Bethany Dillon, Ed Cash
©2004 EMI CMG Music Publishing / Alletrope Music (BMI)

Exodus (Faithful)Written by Bethany Dillon and Ed Cash

Come fallen onesDance in the healing streamHe has faithfully kept youBrought you out of captivityRejoice with all your heartsSing Him a new songThat’s heard high on the windswept mountainsIt will resound
Lead, Lord, with unfailing loveThose that You have ransomedAnd we will sing out as we go onOur God is faithful
Reflect on all your days You weren’t so free thenOnce you were all called slavesBut now, blessed childrenMove your feetDance before the LordOn to the Promised LandOn to your reward, sing
Our enemies are at the bottom of the sea
Bethany Dillon: Acoustic GuitarDan Needham: DrumsEd Cash: Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitar, Programming, Synth, Bass, Banjo, MandolinBackground Vocals: Ed Cash
©2004 EMI CMG Music Publishing / Alletrope Music (BMI)

WhyWritten by Bethany Dillon and Joshua Moore

This house is echoingWith the sound of You knocking at the doorBut with three locksAnd the shades downYou are easy to ignoreI put You on like an old pair of shoesI’ve put You off, but now I need You Why, this love that never leaves meWhy are You holding me tonightCan’t deny this love that is given meWhy, this love will never leave You’re a good strategy when I need oneAn angle when there is noneLike a doormatThat always says welcomeNo matter how much dirt I rub onBut when I am tired and run throughLook over this hill, I’m running to You McKenzie Smith: DrumsMark Polack: BassTom Bukovac: Electric Guitar, Slide GuitarJoshua Moore: Acoustic Guitar, KeyboardsIan Fitchuk: Piano, Keyboards
©2004 EMI CMG Music Publishing / Joshmooreownsthis Music (ASCAP)

A Voice Calling OutWritten by Bethany Dillon

I hear a voice calling outI hear a voice in this wildernessWhere darkness has reigned for so longGround is being takenThe trumpet soundsAnd Your glory touches the groundAnd we all stand in aweWho it this? This glory far beyond usI hear a voice
I hear a drum beatingHeaven’s drawing nearThe sky will open upYour people are being healedI hear a voice
Heaven’s battle cryRiseSee the sun light what was hiddenHeaven’s heart beatSee it movingWhat was a whisper is nowA voice calling out
I see a generation rising upNo longer accepting liesRunning to the battlefieldAnd losing their livesI see a generation rising upNo longer accepting liesAs a band of worshipers run to the battlefieldThey’re finding their livesI hear a voice
©2004 EMI CMG Music Publishing

garbs, garbo = garden city....go figure

2005-04-13T16:18:00.000+08:00

Hello there...

I just came back from Garden City. I went out with Jaime...invited Kelsey but she never replied. We saw Ashleigh and Paige there too but we didn't go around with them. We went shopping, ate and talked. Jaime is sooo nice. I like talking with her. I kept bumping into people and she kept laughing. It was not funny! Like this little girl suddenly walked right in front of me and I stopped, cos i didn't wanna like topple over her and she wouldn't move...u had to be there to see it. I bought two tops and Kacey Donovan's single. I bought one top at jeans west for ten dollars and the other at cotton on for twelve! Lalala...i hope my mum doesn't kill me.

Well, don't really feel like saying much else now...see ya...

It's a HOT Wednesday.

2005-04-06T18:17:00.000+08:00

Hello world.

This is me.

Life can be.

Fun for everyone.

Right.

I feel so slack. I really need to do better in science, math and s n e and finish that STUPID s n e project. I really feel like asking Curtis if I can hand it in after the hols. Sigh. But it seems like no one else is. Jim got a Level 2 for his. So much for him handing it in early. Mr Thompson is a jerk but he's better that Mr Bellis in the sense that he lets us like re-do the questions we get wrong in a test and then remarks it. Now that's what I call learning. X)

Two more days to the holidays!!!!

I've got a competition in Hilton on Saturday and Sunday. I'm playing Girls U15 Division 2 for squash. I almost went for Division 1 as well but didn't in the end. I should have. Oh well. Sue said Hilton's got some really really strong players. We'll see how it goes. I hope she can come. And I hope I don't mess up the first game cos I'm nervous like I did when I played Luka.

Jamie asked me if I wanted to go see Ring 2 with her group of friends on Sunday. I hope I can go if I'm not playing. We're also gonna go to the beach and surf! And go to Harbourtown. I gotta go out with Usha and Rosie too! And I've still got training but that's ok. I really need to work on my smashes for tennis.

I'm really getting better in squash. I can hit well with the proper grip now! I can do volleys and boasts too. Hahaha. That's a miracle. I hope I don't mess it up though. And when I have to get to a shot in the nick of time, I always change my grip but Sue said that's cool.

Jas said her team needs an extra netball player and she wants me to coach her year 7 team with her. I hope I can!!! I wouldn't have to be graded either. Phew. I really really really wanna play.

I might start going to the gym too. It'd be fun with my sis I think. There's some stuff at MRC and MAFC so might head on down there sometime during the hols.

I hope Eshani's parents let me work at their cafe too. Hmm...so many things I hope for.

Well, better go finish my homework now. See ya...

Maybe one day, I'll fly away
and breakaway...

2005-03-28T12:40:00.001+08:00

lalala...Happy Easter Monday!

I feel a bit uplifted right now for two reasons

1) I've only got my stupid SnE project left.
2) Most importantly, i think i might be fining my footing on this spiritual journey with God.

My mum won't let me go to youth group. I think I have to be a Christian in hiding, like the Franks in World War II (except they were Jewish). But at the same time, I'm going to follow Baba especially because he doesn't ask you to leave the religion you follow. Maybe I can go to Putaparthi too with my sis and the wembley youth group. All so iffy.

Go read Nic's blog and if anyone can fathom why she has written that story about Henrietta and Nicholas and Chelsea and the sunflower and what in the world it's got to do with me. Please tell me if you do understand.

Take care everybody. X)

2005-03-28T12:40:00.000+08:00

2005-03-23T15:55:00.000+08:00

mlad or however the heck you spell his damn name is an a**hole

wait

HE'S WORSE THAN THAT!

2005-03-21T11:00:00.000+08:00

3 words:

State. Junior. Squad.

Sue reckons I'm good enough. :o

Moving on.

Perhaps I was just in an ill mood when I wrote the last one-line entry. I seem to be getting a bit down and depressed now and then and sometimes, I just do such dense things that I can't help but feel that way. Like on the math test. :( But, moving up to AE either way to forget it. Mum's writing a letter for me to do English AE too. Funny, eh? The 2 classes I have with Jas. ;

Don't think I'm gonna get into netball or soccer in school - especially not soccer. Some of the girls like Selina ( not too sure how you spell her name) and some of those year elevens are really REALLY good. I don't have those types of skills! No fair!

Finally going to play tennis again this week, so many interruptions. Miss Green was there the other time we played tennis - can't believe she remembered who I was. Keeping my fingers crossed for the tennis programme. ;]

Mum said I could most probably volunteer for the Rock Eisteddfodd. I really do wanna do it. Not extremely sure though because Dad has a conference in Scotland (Scotland!) around that time and we might be going. But it's all ifs so yes the situation is very ...ify...

Jo and I went to the city on Saturday - it doesn't take ages! lol...It only took like twenty minutes. It used to take longer from Rossmoyne. We met her friend Ameeta there and then when we were walking around we saw another two of her friends, Nas and Zarina. It was pretty fun - a pity we didn't get to go to Harbourtown and Supre though. Oh well. On the way back, the bus driver almost forgot to let us off. She didn't realise she still had passengers left! Lol...

Yesterday, Sunday, went to Wembley again. I like going to Wembley again. Session was by the youth - lots of nice English songs. They're celebrating Easter next Sunday so I hope we can go for that session too. I like following all religions - it's so not discriminating. We only reached home at like quarter to one.

In the afternoon, we went to Garden City - it was open cos of theMelville fest. There were too many people. I wonder if that will happen more often. It's such a pity that 56% of voters voted against extended shopping hours. Ah well.

I couldn't go for Yac It Up which was a real pity. I did want to go but I've just got too much homework and I wouldn't have been able to make it in time since it was in Bicton and we had to go to Wembley. Hopefully, there'll be other concerts.

I've got sooooooooo much freaking homework. I've got like 5 assignments! I've finished one. In the process of doing science. Found most of my informaiton for SnE. Dance - got to do all those reflections and stuff. Career Ed-finito!....Sigh...feels like there are too few hours in a day. What a pity.

Last night, talked to Mu and Nic. I'm really really glad I got to talk to them both. Nic! Don't worry! Just calm down, SLOW DOWN, take a deep breath and organise yourself and your activities and decided what exactly YOU want to do. I'm here if you wanna talk or whatever. I know how ya feel...don't get too bogged down by all of it. It will all be alright. Take care you too! Love ya!

Well, I better go finish my homework now, my back's killing me!

See ya!

-

2005-03-18T15:30:00.000+08:00

i am such a failure....at everything...

whyy?

2005-03-10T18:05:00.000+08:00

You Are 50% Left Brained, 50% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

Your Brain is 80.00% Female, 20.00% Male

Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

You Are 22 Years Old

22

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

You Belong in 1976

1976

If you scored...
1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!
1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too.
1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all!
1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.
1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

What Year Do You Belong In?

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get.Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you.Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte.And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Huh? Yea. right.

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

That was weird.

You Have Fantastic Karma

You are a kind, sensitive, and giving person.
And all your good deeds will pay off - if they haven't already.
But you're not so concerned with what you get in return anyway.
You have an innate caring nature - and nothing can change that!

How's" Your Karma?

Why do I find that hard to believe?

You Will Die at Age 73

73

You're pretty average when it comes to how you live...
And how you'll die as well.

What Age Will You Die?

how would you know??

You Are In a Decent Mood

You aren't turning cartwheels, but you're having a pretty good day.
Some ups, some downs, but overall you're coming out ahead.
And who knows? Tomorrow could be even better!

What Mood Are You In?

I think they might be right....hmm...could they be right about the stuff...

MADHAVI RANGAIAH
M	is for	Modern
A	is for	Altruistic
D	is for	Dizzy
H	is for	Helpful
A	is for	Athletic
V	is for	Virile
I	is for	Impassioned
	is for
R	is for	Radical
A	is for	Astounding
N	is for	Nice
G	is for	Graceful
A	is for	Alluring
I	is for	Innocent
A	is for	Active
H	is for	Honorable

What Does Your Name Mean?

cya!

the REAL update

2005-03-03T18:32:00.000+08:00

haha..just kidding..i shall try to update you as much as possible on my life...

Well, I lead a very busy life. What's new about that? Hehe..

Monday - Scimitar string orchestra
Tuesday - Tennis and work
Wednesday - Squash
Thursday - Tennis
Friday - violin sometimes
Saturday - Squash and drums soon
Sunday - Sai centre at Wembley =)

The story of my life.

Daddy was here for about ten days, he actually just left on Monday. We went to Kings Park and had dinner by the Swan River and stuff. We got a new car! It's green. It's pretty too. Hehe.

I saw Felutio again except he was walking on Canning Highway and we were in the car. S-I-G-H. I hope i see him again sometime.....HOPE being the key word here.

I gotta go do homework now..I'll try to update more and reply everyone's email by Monday.

Take care y'all..Love ya loads.

2005-03-03T18:30:00.000+08:00

This is me updating!

Fear

2005-02-10T17:24:00.000+08:00

I'm afraid. So afraid.

I'm afraid of being alone.

I'm afraid of not doing well.

I'm afraid of not having any friends.

I'm afraid of losing the friends I do have.

I'm afraid of injections.

I'm afraid of dying.

I'm afraid of living.

I'm afraid of growing up.

I'm afraid of the dark.

I'm afraid of what tomorrow might bring.

I'm afraid of God.

I'm afraid of never knowing God.

I'm afraid of being ugly.

I'm afraid of being pretty.

I'm afraid of Mummy and Daddy and what they might say.

I'm afraid of myself.

I'm afraid of always having boils and blemishes.

I'm afraid of not being accepted.

I'm afraid of not achieving what I want to achieve.

I'm afraid of not being loved.

I'm afraid of never knowing who I really am.

I'm afrad. So very afraid.

x(

Happy Australia Day!

2005-01-25T18:14:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone who reads my blog!

Haha, just got the internet connected today. Daddy left today. :( I'm really really sad. Hope he can come next month.

Well, we've been really busy the past few days. We've bought most of our furniture. I just need another book shelf in my room. The house is quite nice. I'll put up pics when I get around to taking them. Hee. My dad just needs to redefine what he means by a small garden. Haha. The lawn in the front is pretty huge.

All the furniture in my room is white. So pure. Hehe. But it's ok with me. Garden City, the shopping centre, is 5 minutes from home and school's about fifteen minutes. I'll be going to school on Thursday to get admitted. The year 10 coordinator seems like a tough man though. :. Hope he lets me in. School is from 8.30 to 3 for me. and we got and hour worth of breaks - that's morning tea and lunch. The tennis and squash club is about a ten minute walk but I probably will go to another tennis club a bit further up north because the squash and tennis at the club closest to me are at the same time.

I haven't seen Usha yet. I hope I'll get to meet up with her soon. Not met anyone else that I know. Well, I should go now.

Take care everyone! Drop me an email!

7 more days!

2005-01-12T11:35:00.000+08:00

OMG! I'm only gonna be here for another week.

Well, everyone's in school and busy with something or another and Anne's in Thailand.

BOo..

I'm stuck at home. Well, not really. Hmmm...

Last Friday, I went back to Kent Vale and hung out with Maya, Laura and Anne for the whole afternoon. I found out that I have very bad luck with buses. It took me a whole freaking two hours (almost) to get there when I could have got there in like half an hour. Frustrating. And when I was leaving, I saw Andrew and Jason. I got the shock of my life. They've changed from innocent looking young boys to punk guys. Couldn't really believe my eyes.
That Friday evening was a real confession. Don't really want to talk about it. But it really just made me face up to reality about how I feel and what I really need to do. I think I'm actually kind of glad that I admitted it. I don't want to feel like I'm living a lie or that I'm living with one foot in and one foot out. Get it? Probably not but ah well!

Then on Saturday, Mummy, Daddy and I went to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve. We climbed all the way up! Hehe..There was a really nice breeze at the summit and it was kind of misty so it was really beautiful. I ran a bit - not much but for like ten minutes. I miss running. A lot. S-I-G-H. In the evening, Uncle Moses, his girlfriend, Panda, Panda's daughter, Jasmine and Uncle Moses's son, Felutio (not sure how to spell his name) came over for dinner. Felutio is 16 and Jasmine's 19.

Felutio is so hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He's got light brown skin and has an afro-like hairstyle. And he's 6 feet 1! Still.

He is so hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Enough about him. It was fun talking to Aussies again.

Sunday- I got a new tennis racket! It's yellow and grey and from Prince. It's really really light. In the afternoon, we went to Clementi. We shopped a bit and I FINALLY got these nice slippers for 6 bucks. No more slipping when it rains. Then we went to Little India for dinner. Family time. I'm really really going to miss it. S-I-G-H.

On Monday, I went out with Nicole. I was waiting for her outside the canteen. I don't think I've ever been ambushed by so many people at one time. Haha. It was quite funny. I think I'll go back on Friday one last time then go over to Nicole's. Anyway, we basically just walked around Orchard and talked and talked and talked. Nic's one of those people I can just talk to forever and still have something to say. I'm going to miss her. And a whole lot of other people.

Yesterday, Jo and I went to Orchard. We collected her ticket and shopped. There are so many sales. We both bought a pair of pants. I bought black linen pants for school. Jo both some other stuff too. In the evening, we went back to Clementi after dinner. She got a purple shirt and we both got socks. We went down to play tennis later but the lights suddenly got turned off after like 5 minutes. Ah well.

Today's Wednesday, I've got tennis in an hour for two hours. It's quite fun. Should go down and practise soon. I shall blog again soon.

Take care everyone. Don't get too stressed out. Keep in touch!

ladeeda

2004-12-28T16:04:00.000+08:00

ooo.I haven't updated for a while!

Let's see.Where do I begin? I'm too lazy to start from where I left off.

I got my eyebrows done today. I definitely underestimated the pain involved in threading. I got all teary-eyed and apparently, that part went all red. =0.

No more training. =). Actually, I don't know whether I should be happy or not. I'm really bored. Still have tennis twice a week though.

I'm leaving on 20th January. At 1.15am! That's only 3 weeks from now. Oh, and my address is
4 Gamba Place
Booragoon
Perth WA
Australia 6154

I'm going to Applecross Senior High School. I think I kinda wanted to go to Rossmoyne but oh well. If anything at all is to change, it'll only change at the end of next year. No idea if I'll be coming back at all next year. Definitely not coming back in July because my sis only has holidays in June and it'd be more convenient for my dad to come there. Also, I might go to the Czech republic, England or USA if I don't stay in Perth. My dad might have to go for a conference in one of those places so I'm hoping I can tag along. =) At the end of the year, we'll be settling house stuff so may or may not come back. =s.

Yes. Well, don't really feel like blogging that much right now. Goodbye for now.

Have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2004-12-22T16:56:00.000+08:00

You're like me! The intelligent loner. You're shy
at times but friendly, and you are never weak
and always independent. You are incredibly
intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a
talent for many things (sports, music, art).
You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy
the simple things. Like hanging out with
friends and watching movies at home. But you're
sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an
outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how
pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just
can't seem to break into the crowd and be
noticed. Don't worry, try to be more outgoing
and speak out when you have more to say. Don't
hide behind your books and sports and computer,
get out there and get noticed. You also have
deep desires in life and feel vunerable and
alone at times. Don't feel sad either, What
helps me to express feelings and dreams that I
can't say to people, is through my writting.
Maybe you should try.

What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)

2004-12-22T16:44:00.000+08:00

Water. Whatever you do, where or when, you do it
with all of your heart. You listen to your
heart and all of your emotions are true
non-acting. Friends are very importent to you
and you will do anything for them. You're the
most dreamy of all 4 elements.

What is your element?
brought to you by Quizilla.com

blanked out

2004-12-02T14:16:00.000+08:00

I think I've broken my toe! Haha

It's kinda hard to not think. I can shut others out but I am forever unable to shut MYSELF out. :( C'est impossible. If only at times, I could not listen to myself - maybe I'd be happier. Not only that, there is so much time to think. Before bed, when you wake up, on the bus, while eating breakfast, running etc. S-I-G-H. Being a human being is hard work isn't it? I think I need a break from life.

When am I leaving? I'm only leaving after Christmas, maybe even after New Year's Day. My dad's going to Perth at the end of next week and depending on the outcomes of his trip, we will decide how early we need to go. My school only starts on Febuary 1st or 2nd.

I've been thinking, should I go to Rossmoyne or Applecross. I kind of want to go to Applecross because of the tennis programme. Thing is, I have no idea whether I can get in. My coach thinks that I would at the very least be able to get into the training team. No more thinking about going to private school because it isn't worth it. So it boils down to these two schools. Haven't talked with my parents about it yet. I should talk with my dad sometime this week.

Things are beginning to really take shape for the move to Perth. We've started packing up stuff my dad will be taking. We have a car there. Dad's going to settle the house business when he goes. We're going to rent a house first because we want to look around at the houses and find something we REALLY like. Also, my parents think the house prices will go down. I might get to live on Harry Way near Odette. Daddy looked at these ads from the internet and saw two nice houses up for rent there. Or we may get to live by the river. There is a pretty house that's being rented out for a really good price considering the area. We're not going to get too much furniture yet. Like, we're going to wait until we buy a house before we get proper beds. We're just sleeping on mattresses for the time being. Lalala...I can't believe it's so close!

Anyway, thanks for all the support :)...I'll put up the details of when I'm leaving when I know them. Take Care all. God Bless.

When the world knocks you to your knees, you're in a good position to pray...

years go by

2004-11-30T17:24:00.000+08:00

I haven't updated for ages. Oh and look, people HAVE noticed. Right. I've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately. About being grateful, how much my relationships with certain people have changed, my life over the past 2 years in particular, confidence, how much I've changed and about who I am.

I was thinking about something Nicole said once after church when we were waiting for her dad at the bus stop. I think we were talking about how well someone sings and then about voice lessons. She said something like shouldn't you just be grateful that you CAN sing. So what if you don't stand out when you sing? It got me thinking about whether I was grateful. Am I thankful that I am able to do all the things that I can do? Am I thankful that I'm able to go to all the places I've been able to go to? Am I thankful for all the friends and family that care for me? S-I-G-H. I think that there are times when I really take everything and everyone for granted. Or at least, I don't treat them the way I should. Like my mum, I think sometimes I talk down to her or I yell at her too much. I think I'm really really lazy too and don't help her enough. I hope I can change for the better - in every sense. [Hannah's reply to this: You will over time =) just keep believing]

I don't understand how people can be so confident. I am forever doubting, but then again I suffer from a major inferiority complex. Or is it because of the way I look? My sister said that I've achieved many things and that there are many more things, great things, for me to achieve - I just have to be confident. It sounds so simple doesn't it? Being confident...Ting and Char say I look taller than I actually am. I don't know if that means I'm proud or confident. But if I am confident, why am I always doubting? Why am I always so....lost? Unsure? Afraid?

When you're best friends, or good friends, with a person, you can talk to them about everything and anything right? Well, that's what I think. There were these few girls I've grown up with - I thought they were my best friends. Thing is, I don't think I can talk to them about how I feel about certain things or about how I feel in general. When I talk about my life, it feels like it doesn't matter. For some reason, I tend to get the idea that they're being very idealistic and not realistic...They don't seem to think much about stuff that's important to me. I feel really insignificant next to them. I've gotten to know a lot of people especially in the past 2 years. Sometimes, it's really hard to distinguish your REAL friends from your acquantainces. When they suddenly exclude you from something or don't treat you well, it hurts. I hate being subjected to that. But I think, now, I have a pretty good idea of who my real friends are. =) Thank goodness. Oh, and I love all my real friends. =) THANKS HEAPS PEOPLE!

I've really changed over the past 2 years. Haven't I? That's not a rhetorical question. I don't know whether I've changed for the better or for worse. And that's something that's been bugging me for ages. I'm really lost. I have no idea who I am. Yea, I know I'm Madhavi Rangaiah. But what kind of person am I? People keep telling me contradicting things about who I am....so who am I? I really would like to know. A person can only change if they know what to change about them. And I do wanna become a better person.

God of Wonders, THANK YOU! for everything. You are truly awesome and holy. I will be still and know that You are God. I love You. Guide me, for I am so very lost. Guide me to You.

~stuff~

2004-11-09T18:39:00.000+08:00

Hello there...

let's start with last last Saturday

Saturday: Met Jolyn at Clementi and took the mrt to Raffles Place and then a taxi to Bedok Reservoir...we had no idea where to get out of the taxi then we saw white tents...haha...the wakeboarding was awesome!!!!! we missed most of the women's heats but the men's was really cool...and they were pretty...ahem!...hot...haha...but they were...the aussies did pretty well..:P...i didn't get to go for church that day cos it was raining really hard...mum got super pissed with me...i started thinking too much...TOO MUCH and TOO DEEP...and it all just took over me...

Sunday: I couldn't go for the wakeboarding finals...:C...which kinda sucked...cos when i was watching the replay on TV it was even more awesome...well, you see at first my dad and i were gonna go but then there was the squash outing which was for me...so i went for that instead...lunch was good...nicole and i shared a waffle and this blue drink...can't even remember its name...they bought witch hats for everyone..even mr ong!...ahaha..then we took this photo in front of the perlini's ad...ooooh..it looked so silly....and we took neoprints with MR ONG...haha..and we had a pink background...it was all good though...then we watched ladder 49...nicole cried so much...but the movie was like so sad...but it was quite a nice movie though...no violin! :)

Monday: training...yea..then we went to kap for lunch...was that the day we poisoned jillian's mind....haha...oh man i think it was...haha...didn't do much in the afternoon...yupp...

Tuesday: guitar lesson!...my teacher is like so nice...she's realllly nice...and helpful...:)...in the afternoon, went out with deborah & char...had fun shopping and taking pics with you two! love you both heaps...see you on wednesday! :)...before i met deborah...there was these pple from some church....they asked if they could like interview me so i was like yea...then they put this video camera in my face and asked me what chrismas meant to me and what i did for chrismas?! i was like totally blur since this year will be the first year it actually means anything to me and the first year i'll actually be celebrating it...ahhh...so embarrassing! oh well...

Wednesday: Ms Tang's Bday! i'd baked a brownie cake for her the day before cos i kinda forgot to buy her a cake...but it was actually too late to go down to the shop to buy one by the time i had gotten home...but i think they liked the cake so it's cool...yea so we had training today...nothing special...again, did like nothing the whole afternoon...

Thursday: free day...yea...just watched movies and more movies...and the oc...the first decent episode in a while...

Friday: training...after that, went to orchard to exchange some stuff at this fashion...never realised what a tireless shopper my mum is...bought pin stripe beige pants and black pants for school next year...C:

Saturday: had this long discussion with my parents on whether i could go to church that afternoon...i did end up going...but i also have to go to these hindu religious classes...church was really really meaningful...that's in the next entry...thanks nic!...after church, went to this Ramakrishna mission and then went out to eat...

Sunday:...had violin for like the first time in ages...yea...was, as usual, pretty much practising the whole day...after that, i went for this deepavali party at kent vale...i was the only girl my age! the guys are idiots...went over to maya's house for a while after that...hope you got you western civ project done!...hope you get a better partner next time too!...:)...

Monday: training...only 3 sec 2s...mel, nic and me...so slack...we cleaned the courts...no friendly with SA on wednesday...we went to kap after that....peiling and yihui went too...peiling is really persistent...or stubborn i should say...haha...yupp...

Tuesday: which so happens to be today. yea...had a guitar lesson this morning...starting drums next week!...yay...pity nicole won't be learning it with me...

yea..well i better go now...see ya later...take care...God Bless..

~outings~

2004-11-01T17:59:00.000+08:00

i'll talk about saturday some other time....

sunday:
i didn't go for the wakeboarding finals!!!!!
:(
quite sad...but what i did go for totally made up for it!

Thank you so much Nic Ng, Nic Chua, Hannah, Co, Melissa, Jo & Mr Ong...
i had heaps of fun...laughing....ladder 49!...ahaha...nicole: let's have a soppy movie fest! with armageddon!....ahaha..love ya all loads...and thanks again

i'll update some other time....

i just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH! to everyone...esp 2e,squashies,crossies,prefects and all my other friends!...i love all of you so much!!!!!!! :)

~thoughts~

2004-10-25T18:16:00.000+08:00

lalala...

haven't updated for a while...been meaning to but everytime i came on the internet, i changed my mind...i kept meaning to write so many things, but i either just can't bring myself to write them because they symbolise way too much...more than i want to think about right now or just because i got pissed with how slow the computer is...:)

Well, so yea...been sick since last tuesday...i went for french - where some moelc person gave the us a lecture about how useful knowing a third language is...utterly useless...oh and he was worse than those hwa chong guys who gave us that briefing at hcjc...those who went would understand what i'm talking about...at least he didn't speak in chinese...anyway, i was feeling really uncomfy during the whole thing and my head hurt before and after that...when i went home, i simply lay there, listening to hillsongs...pain....badddd pain....i couldn't even walk on think straight....today was my first day back in school....doesn't look like i missed much...

phoebe: give it a while k?...i know it's not easy...but it's not fair for them to judge you too..and it's not fair for them not take what you think and how you feel into account...you're a human being too!...and all you were doing was trying to help...maybe you went a bit too far but they were sort of asking for the help...it's not your fault...seriously...oh and i'm incredibly sorry about the state i was in on tuesday....i'm here to listen k??...love ya...

let's see...what else has happened>>>... ah...results....NO.I DID NOT DO WELL.I DID VERY BADLY ACTUALLY. at least in my opinion i did, and if everyone is entitled to their opinion then i obviously am as well right? s-i-g-h...i guess i shouldn't have really expected much...seeing as to how slack i have been this year..and yea i guess..everything that has happened...i guess i just should be relieved that my average is respectable and that everything except mep and art are a1s...blech...low they may be...

moving on....

i'm scared....i really really really really am scared....next year is gonna be so different to say the least...i know i'll know some people...but it's been four years since i've schooled there and three years since i went to visit...and a lot of the people i know have gone to different schools...and a lot have gone to private schools like penrhos, aquinas and all saints...and some had to go to willeton instead of rossmoyne, where i'm gonna go....and i'll be away from daddy...i've been away from him before...i've been away from each of my parents before...but still...especially now that he got his promotion and since he always has so much work that threatens, or affects, his health - which he seemingly doesn't give a damn about (excuse my language)...as nicole put it - he's such a guy....but seriously...i'm not having second thoughts or anything....i want to go...i think i've made that really clear...there isn't much to keep me here....people...yes but...i'm dying in these conditions....they are not suitable for a person like me to thrive....i'm really scared....unsure and scared....but i mean this is what i want right?...a new beginning...a fresh start...and no new start is easy...i've had to go through more than my fair share of them in the last five years....but i've gotten through...i've made friends...enjoyed life at times...changed...learnt....etc...so i'll get through this time as well right?.....

what do you do when life finally takes the turn you were hoping for and you're scared?

~finished~

2004-10-17T15:30:00.000+08:00

YAY!

The exams are over at last. Now it's time to have fun!!! I wonder how I'll do for the exams...

English - hard to say...ok i guess
Literature - i crapped out so much, as usual...might have messed it up...
Geography - OMG! it was terrible...i think...the questions were kinda odd i think
Science - i was very careless for mcq...so hard to say i think...
Math - better than expected..but don't wanna say anything...no jinxing it...
History - my hand hurts...enough said...
Art - better than expected too...but dunno if it was overdone
MEP - how could i have mistaken a fugue for a sonata?...and that second extract did NOT sound like a veena at all...sigh...
French - the paper felt short...scared for redaction...but yea...

Anyway, will be getting back all the results from Monday to Thursday...Thursday may be my last day of school...still not sure yet...

I went out on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday...
On Wednesday, I had a prefect's meeting
Congratulations to
Stef
Kaye
Hannah Lee
Limin
Louisa
Maggie
Rachael
Tessa
Victoria
for getting nominated to be Head Prefect!
haha...then after that, i went home and showered...headed to Holland Village after that to get laura's present..;)...went to creative dimensions and the unicef store and other places...then i went back to Kent Vale...was there till like 8pm..yupp..then came home and had dinner...:)

On Thursday, I went out with Nicole and M (at last!)...we met at clementi and headed to orchard...well, actually at first we couldn't make up our minds so we decided to go to orchard first then plaza singapura...not that we ended up going to plaza singapura in the end...:p...we had lunch at taka...then we went shopping...i bought pretty much everyone's presents...we went to like heeren, cine and er...yea...we walked through the buildings..there are always so many mg girls at cine!..we saw kelly, wanpin,ariel,jean etc and eden,cheryl tay,nana..weiling..ting..and i saw colleen and lydia..:)...funny bumping into soo many mg girls..but it was a fun day :)..had heaps of fun with you two...:P
when we were on our way back, there was this really really drunk girl at cine..:O..she was like right outside the entrance..she couldn't get up or anything and she was like gone...first we walked like towards orchard rd...then nicole wanted to help...so we decided to walk to the bus stop near the youth centre...that way if that girl was still there, we could help her...she wasn't in front of cine anymore..she and her 3 friends..they had carried her there i think...no cab driver wanted to take her in..so we tried to carry her as well...yea..no idea if she ever got home or anything..think she was from crescent..two of the girls were in uniform but weren't wearing their badges...:(...very sad...i admire her friend for sticking with her and helping her..but i don't admire her for not stopping her friend..

Anyway, i went out again on Friday...we were supposed to surprise hannah and have a birthday dinner...it wasn't much of a surprise but oh well..stupid nicole got herself grounded...met co at orchard mrt at 12.30, half an hour earlier than we were supposed to meet...quite amusing really...we were both three stops away from orchard at the same time and our trains stopped at the same time..:)..lol..we went to cine to buy the tickets...no drunk people this time..still so heaps of mg girls though...:P..met eden,cheryl,linette and deborah...went to bits and pieces to buy hannah's present then went for lunch..the rings we bought were kind of a rip off..sorry..but they really were...at lunch, co and i went to centrepoint to buy balloons..they were so cute...haha..then we went for the movie..wimbeldon...not too bad..typical..soundtrack was pretty good...the movie was pretty funny...they used the word screw a lot..but paul bettany was really good...:P...yupp...then went for dinner and went home...
On saturday, went out with mum and dad for lunch and some shopping..daddy got new office shoes...they're black...hee..oh and they're australian made..:)..hee..lame..then they dropped me at serene centre and i met nicole...stuck around at some waffle store for an hour before going to church..shall talk about that in the next entry...:)..then on sunday...totally slacked...hee..went to some telugu cultural programme..which was honestly speaking, quite terrible...after that, we went to the temple...had no choice about that one..:(..feel really guilty about going but i really had no choice whatsoever..

anyway..better go now...more in the next entry..especially about trinity..:P

~help~

2004-10-11T14:16:00.000+08:00

"Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

Matthew 11;28

~what a day~

2004-09-24T11:19:00.000+08:00

Yesterday started of with a bang.

Tessa told me her dad had changed his mind.kinda sad but i can't really do much about it, though right? my mum said i was very nice about it..my dad got his way..i bet he was secretly praying something would happen...evil...sigh...my sis promised we'll go to any decent concert when she comes and when i go there...so it's cool...wonder who'll be coming to Australia...hms...

then we had a math test...couldn't concentrate at all!...got the last question wrong...really really careless....so distracted...the whole time that new blue song was going through my head....sigh...
after recess...we got back our lit...didn't really do too well...especially the second question....sigh...really deteriorating this term....no, wait...this semester...

was really depressed yesterday...dunno why..that whole feeling of nothingness just surfaced yet again yesterday...tired...lost...don't really understand why i'm doing anything...or what i'm doing here in the first place....i mean...all i want to do is sleep and never wake up so that i can just live in my dreams...

sigh

but

thanks deborah and nicole!...studying with u both cheered me up...a lot...really appreciate it....and deborah...haha..i'll miss u too when i leave!!.and please...stop saying i'm going to go on another journey of knowledge...the comment is 3 years old!....haha...

very unfit...going to the gym today, though..YAY!...after i do pw...will be really fun...ok, i'm not weird or anything...but gyms are fun!..probably run on the treadmill or something like that....

hopefully, i can go to trinity tomorrow wiht hannah, nicole, melissa & co...hope my mum lets me...afraid of asking dad...i mean...he asked me if i needed that miniature bible with an agry look!...i can't find it anymore, which means that he probably threw it away...or something..my mum never did anything to it...despite all those times she came across it next to my bed...so maybe she'll be easier to talk to...can't go for the seeker's service at CMC...with char and kelly though....got violin...sigh...ohwell...

going to go on a media fast...no computer...except for pw...no internet...no tv...dunno about phone...but there'll be the radio...and nicole's going to lend me hillsongs(!)...music, my trusty companion...anyway...havta go now...bye!

p.s.Laura&Maya:enjoy the american idols concert! bring me back pics and stuff!
everyone else:good luck for your exams! take care!

White Houses - Vanessa Carlton
Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day
Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon
It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last
It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses
My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake
Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses
And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses
In white houses
In white houses

~Frightened Child~

2004-09-20T13:31:00.000+08:00

"Frightened Child"

I hear your silent scream
deep in your private dream
Two ways to go from here
one way will bring you near
fragile wish

Full moon no rain no shame
that distance still remains.
More shades of grey to come
we've been through more than one.
Close your eyes...

Like a frightened childf
ragile in spirit
Like a wind blowing wild
no name you can give it
Like an infantile seeing the light for the very first

No tricks no sleight of hand
find somewhere safe to land
Before your walls were shakin
'but now the whole thing's breakin'
And it makes you feel...

Like a frightened childfragile in spirit
Like a wind blowing wildno name you can give it.
Like an infantile seeing the light for the very first
Yes you're rightWhat is right?
Yes it's nightI can tell.
Yes it's yours.
Yes I know.
You're a beautiful stranger to yourself....

~Maybe Tomorrow~

2004-09-20T13:25:00.000+08:00

Maybe Tomorrow

I've been down and
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
With me

It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
All me

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

What does tomorrow bring?....One can only wonder...will it be for better or worse?

~GOD~

2004-09-20T13:00:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

I don't know who You are...Yet I still pray to You...I pray that You do evetually show me who You are...I pray that You guide me and lead me no matter where I go and no matter what I do...I pray that You show me the truth and never hide anything...I pray that You help choose the right path....I pray for so much...

~learning to breathe~

2004-09-17T11:43:00.000+08:00

"Learning To Breathe"

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that I'm

Learning to breathe
I 'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought thatI would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad
So this is the way I say I need You
This is the way that I say I love You
This is the way that I say I'm Yours
This is the way, this is the way

God is the only one who'll be with you forever and ever...He has a plan for you so lean upon Him for wisdom and protection and guidance...and love...

~angels~

2004-09-17T11:38:00.000+08:00

"Angels"

I sit and wait does an angel contemplate my fate and do they know the places
Where we go when we're grey and old'cos
I've been told that salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed thoughts running through my head
And i feel that love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

[Chorus:]
And through it all he offers me protection a lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong and down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call he won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

When I'm feeling weak and my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know
I'll always be blessed with love and as the feeling grows
He breathes flesh to my bones and when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

And through it all he offers me protection a lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong and down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call he won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead...

angels...they watch over you...offering you love and protection..they're sent from God

~open your eyes~

2004-09-17T11:35:00.000+08:00

"Open Your Eyes"

Looking back
I clearly see
What it is that's killing me
Through the eyes of one
I know
I see a vision once let go
I had it all
Constantly it burdens me
Hard to trust and can't believe
Lost the faith and lost the love
When the day is done
Will they open their eyes
And realize we are one
On and on we stand alone
Until our day has come
When they open their eyes
And realize we are one
I love the way I feel today
But how I know the sun will fade
Darker days seem to be
What will always live in me
But still I run
It's hard to walk this path alone
Hard to know which way to go
Will I ever save this day
Will it ever change
Will they open their eyes
And realize we are one
Still today we carry on
I know our day will come
When they open their eyes
And realize we are one
Will they open their eyes
And realize we are one(its hard to walk this path alonehard to know which way to go)
Will they open their eyes
and realize we are one(lost the faith and lost the love when the day is done)
Will they open their eyes
And realize we are one

open your eyes...there's more in the world...we're in it together for the long run...

~breathing~

2004-09-17T11:30:00.000+08:00

BREATHING
I'm finding my way back to sanity again
though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there
and take a breath and hold on tight
spin around one more time
and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace
cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't want to speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause I want nothing more than
to sit outside Heaven's door
and listen to you breathing
is where I wanna be yeah

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth
and I'm trying to identify the voices in my head
God which one's you
let me feel one more time what it
feels like to feel and
break these calluses off of me
one more time
cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't wanna speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause I want nothing more than
to sit outside your door
and listen to your breathing
is where I wanna be yeah
where I wanna be

I don't want a thing from you
bet you're tired of me
waiting for the scraps to fall off of your table to the ground
cause I just want to be here now
cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't wanna speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause I want nothing more thanto sit outside Heaven's door
and listen to your breathing
is where I wanna be yeah
cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't wanna speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause I want nothing more than
to sit outside Heaven's door
and listen to you breathing
is where I wanna be yeah
where I wanna be
where I wanna be

anywhere but here is where i wanna be...take me away...

~breakaway~

2004-09-17T11:25:00.000+08:00

"Breakaway"
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the skyI
'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away
(I will)And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway,
breakaway,
breakaway

i will break away...just wait and see...there's more to the girl than what you see...

~topsy turvy~

2004-09-13T20:10:00.000+08:00

uh-oh.the feeling's back.

damn.
dang.
darn.

odd day. odd week. odd month. odd year. one i'd want to forget. i wouldn't want to forget the friends just the events. it's too much. was it just this time last year that i broke down at the fitness fiesta? i think so....crap...don't wanna think about it...it was like the beginning of the end..or had that started a long time ago?....argh!...one can only wonder...right?

today was weird...i had a lot of mixed feelings...memories and other stuff came back to me...thoughts...nothingness...loneliness...desperation...frustration...irritation....depression...pressure...stress...
what's wrong with me?!

lost to hannah on friday...what a crap match...first game was ok..but still pretty bad...did quite a lot of drills with mr koh though...weird...thanks hannah!..for like cheering me up and stuff...was glad HE wasn't there...man...just really down and out...nothing comes easy...i know that...but why can't i be consistent in stuff?....i feel so out of sorts all the time.....eeek!....argh...ugh....

only good thing about today: us open's men's finals>federer vs. hewitt
and my violin lesson was actually good...playing this really really long piece by accaly(?)...can't remember his name...it's like 10 pages...and doing scales really helped...surprisingly...it really did...he was actually right...don't have violin until after 20th october because he's going off to nepal and tibet...hope he enjoys himself...

really messed up and down and out right now...miss chatting with a certain someone...miss talking with laura and maya...

leave. get out. break down.

jen's wonderful words.again.

2004-09-13T13:10:00.000+08:00

i want to win. i really do. dont you all want to win too? yeah sure it sounds a bit..stubborn? but yah i want to win. i want to run, and win.

i want to cry.i want to be able to cross that line with tears in my eyes because i knew that i'd have run the ultimate best i could and i have prepared well. it might not be seen as a very "strong" character but i dont think crying is weak. it takes someone strong to cry in front of people doesn't it?

i want to prove myself.i've trained hard. i WILL train hard. and i want to show what i can do because i believe in myself and in my team, completely.

i want to overcome obstacles with my friends. i want to be part of a bigger picture. i dont want to be competing solely for myself. i want to see all of us grow and learn as we all go through hardships and victories

i want to honour God. He's got me to where i am today and He has never failed me. this is just one of the little things that i can honour Him in. He has given me the gift to run.
but in order to do all these things, i must want to run. giving all i have, nothing more, nothing less
what do you all want?

note:by jen.all credit goes to jen.she's pro at this stuff.

~messed up~

2004-09-12T20:04:00.000+08:00

there are soooo many things on my mind...so many things have happened and are happening...gotta make this quick...
first of all, we moved house...i cried...i dunno why...i guess just the thought of moving away from maya and laura...i miss u guys!...and anne in a sense and pri too since they're coming back to visit their dads..i lived there for like 5 years...and i made my best friends there....but my dad told me it's a step towards leaving for australia...i know leaving is not going to be easy..i know it won't be and i never said that it is going to be easy....i'm gonna miss my dad and my friends tons...and i may never actually see laura again...*sob,sob*...our new house feels kinda weird..i still can't sleep...and i'm not really used to the toilet yet...
got french tuition...having tuition for the first time in my life!..well it's not really tuition, just someone who'll help me in my speaking since there's no one at home to speak french with me...sigh...but she gives homework...but will be done in 2 weeks...;)
been thinking about a lot of stuff lately...
troubling me...
3 weeks from officially leaving school...wow!...i can't believe that what i've been wishing for ever since i came back here as finally happened...i'm in a daze...but there's a lot that's about to happen...got the stupid exams coming up...really need to buck up and do well...term 3 was a really crap term and the first two terms weren't very good either..argh!...
i'm just troubled...i know i can hang on...but can i?...i mean..you say i can...but can i really?....yes i can...but i have so little confidence and faith in myself...so how?...problems don't just come from friends,school, studies..or whatever...what if u have trouble with ur faith in God?....they all say...no matter which religion u follow,that your God has a plan for u...that you should just leave it all to Him...if that's the case...why is it so hard?...why do i ask myself if i can do it?...why do YOU believe in me?...how can you believe in me?...do you even know me?...do i even know myself?...who's gonna answer these questions?...why do i bother to care?...why do i bother trying to do well? esp when none of it is going to count in the end?...why do i care so much?...why do feel like this?...
WHY?

:(

2004-08-30T13:02:00.000+08:00

i suck
i am the worst...

~crash and burn~

2004-08-27T11:30:00.000+08:00

Crash And Burn"

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

And there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

******

i'm screaming,
but you can't hear..
i'm crying,
but you can't see..
i'm hurting,
but you don't care...
i'm running,
but you don't give chase...
are you that blind?

~birthday presents~

2004-08-20T18:34:00.000+08:00

These are the people whom I owe presents:
*muriel
*kt
*jaishree
*enqin
*melissa
*christine
*lynette
*jolyn
*yoon sann
*kelly
*tessa koh
*wanpin
....that's all the people i can think of right now....anymore?

to these pple: i'm so sorry..........!!!!!! x a billion

Friends are treasures; don't lose them...

~OLYMPICS~

2004-08-18T09:58:00.000+08:00

AOHNA 2004
Games of the 28th Olympiad

YAY! The olympics are finally here...something to make me happy after horrible horrible days...sigh...

Here are the sports I've watched so far:
*Swimming
*Gymnastics
*Diving
*Synchronised Diving
*Softball
*Basketball
*Tennis
*Rowing
*Canoeing
*Badminton
*Hockey
*etc.etc.etc.
I've been watching the highlights every night.Mum keeps telling me to go to bed but heck...the Olympics is more than worth it...

The swimming is so awesome...Ian Thorpe...Michael Phelps...Grant Hackett...Matt Welsh...Petria Thomas...Inge de Brujn...Brooke Hanson...Tara Kirk...Lenny Krayzelburg...Leisel Jones...Klete Keller...so many amazing swimmers!

The gymnastics is really good too...I can't believe the Americans lost the team gold to Japan...Morgan & Paul Hamm are so so good!...The romanian ladies are really good to...it's really sad that Oxana something from Kazakstan didn't get anything...she's such a great gymnast...or at least was...

The Americans are losing in Basketball but are doing pretty well in softball...GOSH!...there are so many sports....i wish i could go to Athens and watch...so cool....

I LOVE THE OLYMPICS

In the Spirit Of the Games
OLMPICS - Celebrate HUMANITY

~on the road to recovery~

2004-08-13T20:39:00.000+08:00

can anyone see the picture above?...i can't...wonder what's wrong...sigh...oh well...

anyway...i'm sick...well actually, i was sick...i'm recovering...but i'm still coughing pretty badly and i sound like i have a blocked nose ( which i kinda do)...i didn't have to take my French exam...yet again...!!!...i kinda wanted to because i wanted to improve my really pathetic french grade but looks like i'll only be able to do that with the final year exam...more pressure...just what i needed...:...

let's see...what's happened...lemme go back to last week...i didn't go to school on monday and friday because i wasn't exactly feeling too great...gracie thinks i skipped school and is mad at me...she thinks it's about time she skipped school...yes...another day in the weird mind of gracie....;)...moving on...had two tests...history and science...history required a lot of writing...one of my answers went for an entire page...and my handwriting was horrid...but then again, when isn't it horrible?...i only went for training on wednesday although i don't really remember going...oh wait, i do remember going...it wasn't too bad...training on wednesdays seems to be pretty good...ms tang arranges it well...

training...mr koh was ill...i dunno if he still is...anyway...he was ill...he had a fever of like 41 degrees but he somehow managed to drive himself to the hospital since he couldn't sleep one morning...the story was actually kinda funny...but anyway...so he wasn't there...each sec two rallied with each sec 3...apparently someone had said that they would like more interaction between the two levels...i rallied with rachel and then did a drill with sarah and trudy...then we played conditioning games to nine points...the person ranked higher had to hit their three shots behind the service box...played rachel and lydia...i kno w that rachel's ranked above me but i dunno about lydia...anyway...i won both...wonder what it would be like to play with both of them normally...hms...

i'm gonna be honest here...training TOGETHER with the sec threes and doing drills with them was weird...really awkward...when i was rallying with rachel...i felt so nervous...i'm not so sure why...i like pulled back on every shot...sorry rachel!...i kept saying sorry...and rachel was like...u can stop saying sorry...hahaha...but rallying with her was good...i don't really mind rallying and doing drills with them...it's just sorta weird...cuz some...or most of them...ignore your presence outside of training and outside the courts...a team can't just be a team on court...but always...you have to be friends to be united...to actually bond...like e crossies...

like e crossies...sigh...i really x infinite do miss cross...

this week...three day holiday...one test...lit test...three questions in half an hour...my hand was very painful....sigh..but lit's always like that...today's friday...today's kt's last day...nooooooooooo! ;(...she seemed really fidgety...she hardly sat still...but i'll miss kt...take care kt and enjoy America!

had a sleepover on saturday...cuz i was feeling a bit better...i actually got really sick on sunday...my violin on sunday was pretty slack...didn't really have to concentrate much and he was in a good mood so i didn't really suffer...i havta go now...more some other time...cya

Starlight, Starbright.
First star i see tonight.
I wish I may.
I wish I might
Have this wish I wish tonight...

~i dream...i wish~

2004-08-13T19:32:00.000+08:00

Dreams

Dreams are just dreams
When they're stuck inside your head
And all it takes is a little help from you
You know it's true
That dreams are for real
When you see what I seeAnd you feel it too
We took the longest roadJust to make it harder
Let's do it all againIt only makes us stronger

Dreams
I guess we're just made of dreams
Nothin' else matters
As long as we believe
I'm lookin' at you
And I see my life
Passing before my eyes
And when the journey's over
And all my dreams come true
I'll dream of you

What do you see
When you look inside your heart
A little thought
Can walk a thousand miles
And change your life
When dreams lead the way
The impossible is suddenly in sight

Every step you take
Just brings it all together
You gotta keep the faith
When all seems lost forever

Dreams
I guess we're just made of dreams
Nothin' else matters
As long as we believe
I'm lookin' at you
And I see my life
Passing before my eyes
And when the journey ends
And all my dreams come true
I dream of you

You're the one
That keeps my hope alive
My vision clear
I'll spend my life with you
Conquer fear
We'll make it through
Nothin' else matters
As long as we believe
I'm lookin' at you
And I see my life
Passing before my eyes
And when the journey's over
And all my dreams come true
I'll dream of you
I'll dream of you
I'll dream of you

~nothing~

2004-08-06T11:57:00.000+08:00

to e stupid creep who'll never read this:
i understand that as a teacher, u need some authority. i also understand that u have goals for ur students. but u have to understand that e student has goals too. i want to learn as much as i can because i don't learn e instrument for e sake of taking an exam that cost practically $200!what difference does that exam make for me anyways?! i learn for e love of e music it makes. i want to be able to make that beautiful music that i hear other people making. i know it's not easy. i do try. u may not see it, but i do try. i don't always try my best, but i do try. i've only playing e damn instrument for 3 years!i'm tone deaf & trying to get better at recognising notes but it's not easy! u always complain that i always tell u stuff at e last minute. well guess what! i only tell u at e last minute when i'm sick...i mean u can't foretell that u're GOING to be sick right?...u're e one who always cancels e lessons or someting at e last minute...u never told me what date e recital was on until 2 WEEKS before it...that's last minute...i have other things to do that are just as important..why can't u understand that my life does not revolve around playing e violin?!..and i am going to be playing in public AGAIN for e mep concert..i would have loved to play for e recital IF YOU had given us a bit more notice...and so what if ur other students do a lot more than me but cna still manage everything?! i'm not them!!!! i'm different!!!...everyone is DIFFERENT!!!..created by GOD to be UNIQUE in their own way...why do u stereotype?!!!...i have plenty on my
plate...squash,drums,french,running,school,guitar,violin,being a prefect,being a vice-capt...!!!!!!...i don't have an easy life...why do u make it harder?!!...why can't u be more understanding?!! why do u have to be such a control freak?!!!

my life revolves around EVERTHING that makes up who i am...not just squash, or running, or my studies or may violin....EVERYTHING...E..V..E..R..Y..T..H..I..N..G

i try to try...i'm coping ok i suppose...but pple like e above stupid creep make my life really really tough...u are one of e reasons i am so unhappy here...e partly make up e reason i want to leave this hell-hole so bad!

leave me in peace for a while....i beg u...just leave me in peace for a while before i leave

hold on

please don't ever compare me to anyone...i am different...
why do like to make me feel like i'm nothing?
can't u see that i'm struggling to hold on as it is?
can't u see that i'm putting up a happy face for u?
can't u see that i do all this for u and not really for me?
mum:why do u have to compare me? why do ask me to prioritise when i keep telling u that my life revolves around everything and that nothing can take greater importance than another?why do u have to ask me what i've achieved in life and then go and compare me to some relative who is portrayed as being so great? can't u see that i'm unhappy enough? can't u see that all i want to do is get lost in my dreams and wishes and sleep for eternity so that i can never be concerned with life and all that comes with it? can't u see i suffer from a terrible inferiority complex as it is? why do u make it even harder than it is already for me to talk to u?please...don't make me feel this way...i hate it...i really do...u noe how sensitive i am...please dont' mum...cuz i really love u and don't want to be distanced from u...i want to be close to u and be able to tell u everything and come to u always...

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on

~PRIYANKA ; /

2004-08-06T11:35:00.000+08:00

PRIYANKA ; /

I MISS U SO MUCH!

on sunday, we said our goodbyes...unlikely to see each other for a long time...i wish, like laura said, that i could still call u and u'd come down to hang out...i knew e day would come sooner or later but i reckon it came too soon...i was crying that sunday before maya, laura & i said our goodbyes...my dad kept asking me if i was going to call u...i kept saying later cuz i guess i didn't want u to see me crying...*sigh*

i'll miss ur sarcasm
i'll miss how much u cared for ur brother but
no matter what u did, he always gave u a hard time
i'll always remember e look on ur face and how worried u were
when ur brother hit his head in e playground & needed stitches
i'll miss & always remember how we'd always talk at all those dinner parties
i'll miss how at little kids' birthday parties,
u,me & maya would arrange games for them
i'll miss maya & ur mahacement company
i'll miss how i could always say that i was taller than someone(until now!)
i'll always remember how u hated looking down into e ocean
& kept swimming with ur head out of e water..
i'll always keep e photoframes u gave me..with photos of 2 four of us in them
i'll always miss playing pictionary with all 4 of u & anne
& how i (somehow) always got something to do with farm animals
i'll u & me drooling over orlando bloom
I'll always remember e look on ur face when i gave u that present
i'll always, now, have more of a reason to go to canada (YAY!)
i'll miss tons more and remember all of e good times and e bad times that we had together...i wish i could have spent everyday with u...u are one of my bestest friends...i'll forever love and cherish u...keep in touch...friends forever...

ps. i wish all four of us could have been together for eternity...

~musical~

2004-07-31T13:13:00.000+08:00

ushered for e musical last night...my feet really hurt right now because of it...got quite a few blisters too..:/..

anyway...got to leave trainging early to come home and change and stuff..gave kelly, claire & jasvir a ride there since they had to be there by 5pm...walked to e ucc from home...when i went downstairs, i found laura, maya & pri sitting there...they were quite amused by how formal we had to be just to usher...honestly, i would have rather wore a funny tie, black pants and a white shirt like we did for dance nite...but nvm...

maggie was already there...amanda came soon after me...we went to put our stuff down and started carrying stuff to e reception area...e food was still hot...e containers were quite flimsy...soon,e rest of e ushers came and we arranged e food n stuff...then waited for mrs chen to brief us on what to do...yoon didn't bring her stuff or something...she had to call like kt & some other pple to help her bring some stuff..then mrs chen let mrs tan decided who was to do reception...teri had to do coffee and she dragged me along into it...although...i ended up arranging e other drinks and stuff...sarae & teri ended up doing coffee...then we watched e musical...then came up 10 minutes before e interval...arranged e stuff again...this time there were elcairs :]...they were really good..(we got to eat e food after e vips left)...then we were supposed to clean up...shern n i cleaned up for a bit then lynn ern told me to go down n watch it since i hadn't watched it...so nice of her ;)..thanks lynn ern...:)...so watched part of e second half...came out...wished e guests good night...and thank u for coming...then helped a bit with other stuff, wished kelly happy birthday yet again and walked back home...

saw kt, hannah & tricia & jac but not wanpin...they all looked very pretty....and met aunty choomi (hope i spelt it right kt!) who's really nice..apparently kt talks abt me *shocked*...hms kt...what DO u say?...

e musical,hms...it was very cliched...i don't exactly see what e big deal was...i'm sorry..but that's how i felt...most pple did suit their parts because that's just about how they are in school...and nora(amy lim) does have a great voice and should have sung a lot more than she did...but all in all, i didn't think it was THAT great..pretty ok but not great..but hey, that's me...and i'm entitled to my own opinion right?...

but i still do wish i could have done backstage...but like jo said...maybe it jus wasn't meant to be...

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live

~lost~

2004-07-26T19:41:00.000+08:00

i'm lost...lost beyond reasoning....ever been in a position where u question what u're doing and why u do it?...why u bother to do any of it?...well, that's my current state...

maybe it's just that i've lost my motivation to do anything at all...maybe i'm just being unreasonable or lazy...maybe i'm just totally burnt out...

when a person asks me how i am...my answer is 'i don't know' because that's how lost i am...it's gotten to a point where i can't quite feel much...i'm numb...

*sigh*

i think i just realised how contagious attitude really is...however, i find that it's bad or poor attitude that spreads faster than good attitude...why is such horrible attitude so infectious? i know that i don't always have e greatest of attitudes either but...the attitude i felt today was pathetic...never ever felt like that before...what's happening to me?!

i wonder if i should take a break from squash...i have zilch motivation to train right now...not inspired the slightest bit...and it's really hard to motivate and inspire when you're not motivated or inspired yourself...

this morning's chapel had nice songs but e band wasn't exactly happening...e message abt that columbine school shooting victim was pretty powerful too even though e speaker didn't really speak much...rachel scott's story was really meaningful...very inspiring...

have to go eat dinner now...just needed to get some stuff out...cya

Not all who wander are lost, but i am...

~15 more weeks~

2004-07-24T10:54:00.000+08:00

it's kinda scary...there are like only 15 more weeks til i leave singapore...what a thought...

wednesday was founder's day rehearsal...i was doing kitchen duty...we didn't really do much...we prepared ice, wrapped those baking pan (sorry, can't remember its name) with aluminium foil and sat around...we drank coffee and tea and did our work...e rehearsal started late and ended late...that didn't really bother me though...jolyn kept practising her preaching...lol...and then of course there was training...which i don't want to talk about...

thursday was geog test and that spa test...geog was ok i suppose...but let's face it...our geog teacher is really bad...sigh...can't do much about it though can i?...i didn't understand e spa question at all...but i really couldn't concentrate...not been feeling too great lately...sigh...after school...had drums and french...jolyn and kelly joined us too...it was pretty fun...kelly stresses herself out too much over perfecting it though...sigh..what's new about that?...then i went for french...so kar yan while walking down...she actually recognised me...haha..hms...just waved...didn't know whether to callher ms koh or kar yan...haha...french was ok...actually understood the lesson...there are so many rules to remember...she told us about our oral...either a dialogue or an interview like thing...i wanna do the dialogue...may have to find a partner...but anyway...was so depressed that night...was in need of comfort food so my mum lemme eat at macdonalds...felt a bit better after that....; ]

friday was founder's day!...hms...there were so many small people...well actually..they weren't all that small...but they were all very noisy and getting in my way...so irritating...but nvm...we prepared sandwiches in the morning...watched part of e parade...then after that...we were loading all e stuff onto trolleys and the ice into coolers and taking the stuff to e alumni room...then we lounged around and waited for everyone to come...kt and i were making sure that only guests,vips,prize-winners, graduates etc. only came into the concourse...was kinda fun...sometimes some people would come looking for a teacher or something and kt would go look for the teacher for them...hahaha...that was funny...saw shumin,steph,amanda,waimay,renuka,bonnie and mabel...talked to a few of them...was telling shumin about squash and she was like really understanding...sigh...i really wish i were in c div again...but nvm...only15 more weeks right...that's it...

hung out with pri on friday...we were like walking around, into nus etc...she's leaving to canada next week ; (...so sad...amee's leaving and never coming back on august 25th, i'm leaving in november, joy's probably leaving in november to melbourne too, laura's leaving next summer and maya's probably leaving sometime next year too...e only person left would be natalia...and malin but he'll most likely be going back to canada next year for his university studies...it's kinda coincidental...malith,harini,laura,amee,malin,priyanka,holly(if you can consider her), maya(eventually) will be in america/canada...joy,hima,anne and i will be in australia/nz and natalia will be in s'pore until god knows when...we were like talking about how to meet up...we're thinking about all meeting up at chrismas in 2007...my kent vale mates are probably the only friends i've always kept in touch with...really miss you all! ; )...

sigh...everyone's leaving...jillian asks why...because singapore sucks...jillian's leaving after sec 4 and she asks e question...haha...sigh..ok...gotta go...have e hwachong ap briefing in the afternoon...gotta go practise violin...cya!

For some life lasts a short while, but the memories it holds last forever.
Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen to one again.

~crossies~

2004-07-23T15:51:00.000+08:00

its the glory of winning, the satisfaction of accomplishment. being able to hold up that medal and bathe in the profound joy of victory, the ability to hold your head high and be joyous. your chance to show the world that you can and have, done it.thats the joy of winning.

but

when you've fallen but you've picked yourself up and you've carried on with a stronger heart and stronger faith. when you've cried and laughed because of the all the pain and sacrifices you have had to undertake. when you see the people around you pick themselves up and move on. you see the team, your team, fight and keep fighting even when failure looms and you seem to be surrounded by an ocean of defeat.
what happens then. what happens when all you see only makes your heart ache? what will you do when you are faced with that challenge?
its not about the glory, its not about the medal, its not even about the accomplishment of completing the race. sooner or later, everything boils down to attitude.
its not just the will to win. its not just about the will to prepare either. its about wanting to prepare and win, to the best of your ability, with all your heart and soul. it doesnt take a victory to be able to hold your heads high, to don the school colours with pride and honour. we dont need to be known as the fastest team, whats important is we show everybody else the true meaning of

courage
respect
optimism
sacrifice
spirit
integrity
endurance
service

afterall, thats what crossies are made of.
"I came, I saw, I conquered"
take up the challenge.

-taken from jen's blog-

ps: jen-it's hard not to miss cross...i'm sure you know that...i'll miss it forever and ever and ever...it's one of a kind...i'm sure you know that too...but anyways...ONCE A CROSSIE ALWAYS A CROSSIE, right? btw, was nice talking w u last night...thanks...and take care...

~disturbing stuff~

2004-07-22T20:36:00.000+08:00

e first disturbing thing is this handout on lynching ms tan gave us today during lit...she even had to include a pic!...gross...mean...=...

i found out that SOMEONE reads my blog...but u know what, i don't really care...this is my blog and i can say whatever i want to say...this is my outlet and if anyone has a problem with that they don't have to read it...all squashies would know who i'm talking about...and please...some of you don't have to keep accusing of us how doing things just because you don't like us...it's really not very nice...

i also found out tuesday exactly how much 2 people talk about me...Christine, Hoiyan & Wanpin would know who i'm talking about...i don't know how to take it..bad or good...though i do wonder what they say...can't help but be curious...

ran with christine,hoiyan and wanpin on tuesday...fun running w them...we ran to hcjc and the chinese high bus stop and then came back via sixth avenue...thanks for slowing down at e end cuz of my foot...i'm really sorry for slowing u all down...;)...also had teachers' day meeting...was so funny...we had so many sweets...christine and i are characters...christine's e guy and i'm e girl...i hope it's not real...yoonsann kept laughing and laughing...hahaha...

training on wednesday...hmmmms...looks like i'll be training e sec ones on wednesdays with corinne...doesn't really make a diff cuz co and i play and rally together whenever we want and stuff and we always talk!...talking with corinne is fun!..haha..i lack vocabulary right now..:]...wednesday's training was pretty tense though...sigh...so much going on...i feel sorry for miss tang...she's always in the middle...sigh...well...sorry ms tang!...we don't mean to put you in such a position but you're like the only person whom we can talk to...

there's something i wanna say so let me get it off my chest before i forget then i'll update e rest some other time...

a conversation i just had with my sis:
*i miss cross-country says:
have u ever had an extremely unreasonable person in your life who controls your life even though they have no right to do so?
jyotsna (jo) - back to uni.... says:
yes
jyotsna (jo) - back to uni.... says:
y?
*i miss cross-country says:
what have u done to put up with it?
*i miss cross-country says:
it's not mum and dad right cuz they have some right to control us
jyotsna (jo) - back to uni.... says:
ok...
jyotsna (jo) - back to uni.... says:
well...just tolerate and adjust
*i miss cross-country says:
what if it's too much?
jyotsna (jo) - back to uni.... says:
then tell them if u can
*i miss cross-country says:
what if they don't listen or refuse to see it your way?

since she told me to say it out loud i shall:

i think you're extremely unreasonable...you have no right to control our lives...i see it your way but i still don't see it your way...i understand you want us to be dedicated...but we won't miss that much in TWO training sessions...in that time we could learn something new...you can't make us arrange our lives around squash...it's not fair..there is more to life than squash..there's more to life than studies...etc etc etc...you can't deprive of us of other opportunities...how do you expect us to move on in life?...we're always there...we don't purposely skip training or skive like some...sometimes we are lethargic and don't perform to e best of our abilities..but we never ever purposely skip..we only do when we absolutely have to...i've been at just about every training so far and i don't think i've improved...maybe i have improved a tiny bit...sigh...please let us take hold of these opportunities that come our way...it's not fair for u to deprive of us of learning something new and contributing to the school in another way...please try...please give us the opportunity to do something different....please....

Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people

~better safe than sorry~

2004-07-17T17:31:00.000+08:00

dad and jo's flight was delayed due to technical problems...they just came back yesterday morning at 4am...mum slept on e couch so she could open e door for them when they came...i could barely sleep e whole night for some reason....glad their back though...safe and sound...they're really tired...dad went to sleep straight away and went to work yesterday and today....he really needs to be careful and take care of himself..:/

thursday....can't really remember much about it...had a math test...lost 4 marks...probably more...i took 2 pi r squared instead of 3 pi r squared for e last question! how could i make such a silly mistake?!...ohwell...what's done is done...we have a new student...she's from shanghai and speaks and understands minimal english...she's part of this immersion programme i believe...she doesn't really do anything...she can't understand any of e lessons...but she helps them w their chinese...enqin,sandra and su ern are her translators...had my first drum lesson...ms wee teaches a lot of people at one go...not a very condusive environment to teach and learn but what can i do?...it's quite fun...not easy...requires a lot of coordination...will be fun though...yupp...then had french...sick of going there...don't really like my teacher...talked w lou and cheryl tay for a bit before going there...and cheryl tay's mum gave me a ride there...=)

friday...they're back!...hahaha...jo woke me up...i could barely walk straight in e morning...my head was spinning from e lack of sleep...sigh...friday was also quite slack...no math...but we had work to do...we learnt some form of trig while we were doing e questions even though we probably didn't have to do it...and we had to draw a quadratic graph :...geog was simply preparation for e walk-car-thon..posters and logistics for e car washing and our booth...we had a spa test for science...eeks!..hate spa...during cme...there was this concert by e New America Singers..they weren't too bad...i gave co her present...2i celebrated her birthday during their pe...wish i was there to wish her! :/...i couldn't even give her her present face to face cuz by e time i went up to her class after assembly mrs s chan was in class...:/...got christine to give it to her...i hope she likes it...after school, went for training til about 4 and then jo picked me up...talked to her for a while...then dad came home...jo and i went to watch mean girls...e cinema was like empty!...haha...during e movie...i accidentally moved my elbow causing e nachos to overturn!...so embarassing!...:...jo was trying quite desperately to suppress her laughter..thankfully...i dropped it at a funny part in e movie so she could have been laughing at that...hahaha....e movie was ok...quite typical...went home...had dinner and slept..zzzzzzzzz

saturday....WALK-CAR-THON!...i only woke up at 9.30am...got e newspaper...showered and took a taxi to e legends...pple kept calling me and asking me for answers to their questions...it was quite amusing...we raised $470 from e car-washing and e selling of brownies,muffins,cookies and orange squash...not bad i suppose...but we didn't wash as many cars as we wanted to cuz most of e cars parked at carpark c instead of b...ohwell...corinne,hannah etc. came in first for e foot race but apparently they weren't supposed to take taxi so i think they were disqualified...what a pity!...wished co a happy birthday...and she said she liked her present..=)...and it didn't rain!...only started drizzling towards e end...ms tang n e math teachers won a x-box!...though i can't imagine her using an x-box...hahaha...mr ng told ms chau that eunice was e best b div runner..hms...thought jen normally was and is...or that most of them were around e same standard...oh well..who am i to say anything...took a cab home w ting...we had to talk to e front of park mall just to get one...we talked quite a bit on e cab..so fun..ting's a really nice and sociable person...hee...dad and jo have gone out to buy some computer stuff...mum's watching a telugu movie and i'm supposed to be doing work...nvm...i shall go do geog notes after this...

jo's leaving tomorrow...!...:(...i wish she could stay longer...but from next year onwards she and i will be living together...hms...if i go...which i most probably will be..it's like confirmed...sigh..don't wanna think about it right now...

on wednesday,co,jo,mel,hannah and i went to talk to ms tang about mr koh and his training...was pleasantly surprised when ms tang said she felt e same way...that day...training was a puny morsel better after ms tang spoke with him...ahwell...improvement takes time,right?...better go now..i'll write messages tomorrow...

Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever

~e bias twit strikes again~

2004-07-14T21:56:00.000+08:00

i shall refrain from using e word b****

today STARTED of quite well...they didn't play some boring classical piece...they played better than life and still :)...made me happy...but assembly was sooo long...mrs sim talks a LOT...for some reason, during assembly...i thought yoon's eyes were closed...hahaha...oops...i suppose she just has really tiny eyes...nvm..

wednesday's are quite slack...today was no different...mep,pe,1 n a half period of chinese(FREE PERIOD!!),recess,science,geog(shivers),music...ms tsien was is a good mood today...but we have to arrange this piece for a quartet...ohno!...my compositions are already so bad...now i have to arrange a piece?!...sighs...shall ask trevor for help...if i dare to...:/...

geog was a horror...e bias twit striked again...all i can say is that she is a terrible teacher cuz she can't teach...she's bias...sheesh...she kinda blew up...she had some reason to do so but i thought she should have heard what we thought before she went through with it....ohwells...don't really wanna talk about it...

training today was quite slack...as always...corinne and i talked a lot...and it was so fun....we were talking abt education in aus and nz...she was telling me that i had more options...she's thinking abt taking e o levels next year and then doing foundation....hms...she thinks i should do it with her...sighs...i dunno...but i think i'll think about it...i might take e SATs too...but i think i'll try taking it at e end of this year...will be interesting to see how i do...it was so fun talking and "rallying" w u co!...thanks!=)

not much else...don't really feel like blogging about today...maybe tomorrow...

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.after all, a will finds a way..

~two more days~

2004-07-13T17:36:00.000+08:00

two more days til my dad and sis return from india...yay!

for e past 2 days, i haven't really had hw...not even math..amazing...kinda scary...

but it's given me time to learn all this html stuff...kinda realised that u have to experiment a lot...at least i had too...

anyway...ladeedadeeda...

hms...didn't go for training yesterday...i went to e podiatrist...
she said i flatten my foot too much...so now i have to wear this support thingie in my shoe...and i may get to wear my track shoes to school..yay!...e support thing is actually quite comfy..my foot doesn't hurt quite as much...but right now, since my foot isn't used to that support thing, it is still quite painful...

i ran w wanpin today...we ran for forty minutes...quite fun...we talked so much...hahaha...we ran from school almost all e way to holland rd and then to e bus stop before maple woods and then back to school...and we're going to learn drums from ms wee together...i hope ms wee doesn't like mind or anything...i think kelly's learning too..but not sure...

i found out something really really really really really...u get e point,right?...unfair yesterday...i wish some people would realise that there are others who are much more deserving of certain things...u can't be blinded by your favourtism...u have to be more open...why can't u see that there are others who are just as good, perhaps even better, than her?...there are others who try just as hard, or even harder to impress you or to get such opportunities...but you don't see them...why?...why are u blinded by your favourtism?...it's not jealousy,if that's what ur thinking...it really is u...and i can't wait til i get out of ur goddamn class...and u noe what, u're not even close to how good u think u are...in fact, u're e most horrid teacher i've ever had...

sheesh...why oh why must she be such a b****?

I wash my hands of those who imagine chattering to be knowledge, silence to be ignorance, and affection to be art

~busy,busy,busy~

2004-07-02T21:20:00.000+08:00

Work : Physical or mental effort or activity directed toward the production or accomplishment of something.

my work is mentally taxing but i don't think i'm accomplishing or producing anything...sigh

anyway....haven't updated in a pretty long time...what can i say i lead a boring life...

lemme see...today was a very boring day...we have a teacher named miss chia for math in place of mrs poh and i think miss chia is a pretty good, not to mention nice and fun, teacher...she said i look familiar..;/...then during cme...we changed seats...it took us a whole hour cuz ms chau kept deviating and because she couldn't make up her mind...terrible woman...now i sit next to charmaine and grace and infront of deirdre,debbie and weilin...oh and u noe on thursday...i was utterly bored...haha..okay that wasn't what i wanted to say...but lit was quite boring - surprisingly...then we had EMP...ohmygod...why in e world did they create e subject? don't they see how useless and boring it is...sigh...BUT then there was comp studies..was sitting with weilin and charmaine and deborah...so funny...weilin kept saying completely random stuff and we were being totally lame...hahaha...weilin calls me madho 4 some reason n i call her weio now...i'm weird..WHAT A REVELATION!

ladeedadeeda...saw mu this morning...haven't seen or talked to her for a long time...she sits very straight now cuz of her brace..but e girl is now taller...lucky!...and she gets a nicer looking chair...at least it looks more comfortable...haha..anyway...

on wednesday...had training...we ran ten rounds...i think i ran eleven but i'm not sure...sigh...but after i was done...actually like half way...my feet hurt real bad...and i was going at like 50/55%...and it was damn damn damn painful...thank goodness HE wasn't there...

a lot of work...pw sucks man...esp cuz of csoo...sigh...she's so biased...july,aug,sept,oct...that's it...wow...so fast...well..i better go do my work now...or soon...i shall try to update abt e england trip on monday or something..yupp...bye

Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know it so it goes on flying anyway

~lethargy[2]~

2004-06-19T17:18:00.000+08:00

tired and bored again...which is why i'm here...

finished almost all of my homework....have one lit assignment, one english assignment, e science project and geog notes to do...

went to school at 10.30 this morning...7 of us practised e dance for e prefect's camp...it's gonna be sooooo embarassing....sigh...ohwells...rehearsing for it was pretty fun tho...actually, more funny than fun...with wanpin,kelly,christine,claire,gina,michelle and me....

e stupid podiatrist is not free until 17 july so i have to suffer for one more month...sighs...i suppose that's life...

don't really feel like blogging so i shall go do something else...bye

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however

~lethargy~

2004-06-16T18:05:00.000+08:00

zzzzzzz

so sleepy today...went to school at 7.45...training only started at like 8.15...no coach/teacher until like 8.45 or something...did several drills...very very boring...so slack...at e end...andrea,trudy and lydia were trying to "save" this caterpillar that lydia kept saying was poisonous...andrea's...er..commentary was sooo funny...then mr koh came and almost swung it out with his racket...he's not in touch with nature obviously..anyway...hms..yea..then after that..he left us alone...see, so slack...

after training...looked for colleen and whoever was supposed to turn up for e meeting...couldn't find anyone...then limin and lixin came along and min said they were at kap...i went to cold storage and they were there...BUT they were on their way back to sch...so i walked ALL E WAY there and was gonna have to walk ALL E WAY back...sigh...ohwell...e meeting was quite fun...but i'm now very sleepy...but i'm gonna go out to eat...@ Original Sin...nice restaurant...hms..

my move is pretty much confirmed...this house on high road that my dad's ex-colleague owns is up for rent...4+2...my parents are thinking of taking it...kinda ex tho..225..200 is alright..dunno tho...but this like seals e deal so really happy...house is quite nice and new too i think..:) :) :)

everyone keeps asking me why i quit cross...I DID NOT QUIT CROSS...i asked rach if i was considered part of cross and she said prob not...everyone keeps telling me to go talk to mr ng...but i'm asking u..what's e point?..i'm so not gonna b here next year and it seems as tho training doesn't really help..no offence,but look at weilin..she only went for a few sessions and she's e fastest..so i might as well discipline myself to run on my own right?...i love e atmosphere and e pple tho and that's what i'm gonna miss...so fun and funny...all those times...

sighs...thinking and talking abt cross depresses me...i wish i never got injured...going to e dr again this friday to find what exactly is wrong..hopefully, they'll be able to figure it out...

not much else...pretty stressed out with all e work...

better go do some right now...bye

We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses

~not such a bad day~

2004-06-15T12:44:00.000+08:00

Sunday and Monday were pretty ok days...

i woke up at like noon on sunday...jet lag...still living in english time...REALLY didn't wanna go for violin but mum and dad made me...violin actually wasn't that horrible despite me not practising much...but must practise more for this sunday's lesson...he said he wants to spend more time on those dreadful etudes...then e rest of e afternoon, i read my book..the stepmother by simon tolkien and watched gilmore girls...i think it was on sunday that i watched e all blacks thrash e english but i can't remember...it was a pretty good match tho...watched parts of bend it like beckham...my dad was like soooo interested in watching it...shocking...my sis called in between and she asked me to ask him what he thought abt it...i wonder why...hahaha...

couldn't sleep that night tho...mind is so preoccupied with other stuff...

went for training on monday...training with mr koh is ...um...very different...to say e least...he seems to concentrate on a few players for each training and leave e rest to do drills...he was working melissa and jo pretty hard...and e rest of us like slacked cuz we had finished all e drills that we cud think of and had nothing else to do...really weird...then he makes us do all those crunches and exercises...they aren't that bad but my lower back really hurts cuz of e floor now...

after training, melissa, jo and i went to kap...we got a ride from mr ong...yupp...had lunch...talked for a while...then headed home...it was really hot...

mum and dad didn't pick me up cuz they'd gone to see my cousin's husband...he was on transit...he lives in portland, oregon...more reason to go to america...hehehe...anyway...i asked mum what he was like...and she said he was nice...great description..tsktsk...ohwells...don't really care...not very close to my cousin...

ladeeda...not much else...aim to finish my hw within this week...so better get to it...shall write abt e england trip later...

good days + bad days = life

~thinking~

2004-06-12T15:22:00.000+08:00

Mum keeps asking me if i think i can make it into year 11 in perth...i keep saying i dunno...i overheard her telling someone that she and dad hope i'll get into year 11 even tho dad simply wants me to go into year 10...sighs...i really dunno which year i wanna go into...jo thinks i can get into year 11...i simply wanna get outta this hellhole...

mum told me that Pri is leaving for good next month...amee's coming down from 21st to 30th june...then she's leaving...for good...see everyone's leaving..i bet laura and maya will leave too...they're both away right now too..i believe...laura's prob in chicago or somewhere there and maya in india...i'm stuck here..for another 5 months..

came back from lit trip to england on tuesday...e trip was so damn awesome...didn't wanna leave cuz england's pretty lovely...except for all them pple who smoke...shall write more abt e trip some other time...

was reading SOMEONE's blog...god dammit...that person really makes it even harder for me to accept what i was forced to walk out on...my sis is always asking me why i need them...i always tell her that i really miss e atmosphere except for e stupid coach...sigh..anyway...life is life...i'm moving on...hopefully to bigger and better things...

plan to run before squash for 20-30 minutes...regain my fitness...foot still hurts now and then..gotta deal with it...thinking of playing tennis again..something to talk abt with my parents...should be fun...really miss tennis...

really can't wait to leave...

Other people may not have high expectations of me, but I have high expectations for myself

~i'm a sick cycle~

2004-05-26T16:05:00.000+08:00

btw, i first heard e song in e previous entry at e 2001 Rock Eisteddfod Challenge...won't get to see it this year...:/..

*sighs*

why must i give up running?

i don't want to give it up...my parents, esp my mum, want me to!!!!

*feels like screaming*

i'm too full of shite right now to blog...so i'll just leave u with e lyrics of sick cycle carousel by lifehouse...cool song

SICK CYCLE CAROUSEL
if shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
if it had a home would it be my eyes
would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
well here we go now one more time

I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to change this mind
you better believe that I have tried to beat this

so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good

well I never thought I'd end up here never
thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought that it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time

I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to change this mind
you better believe that I have tried to beat this

so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this
sick cycle carousel
this is a sick cycle yeah
sick cycle carousel
this is a sick cycle yeah

so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good

so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel

...

You Are Alive - Fragma

2004-05-26T15:30:00.000+08:00

you're doing fine
most of the time
you sit and wonder
what tommorow brings
all kinds of things
you sit and wait
you hesitate
just like you never
been in love before
there's so much more
on your own and
though you feel alone
you are alive
don't you know
it's just another day
all alone into this world
we're thrown
you are alive
don't you know
it's just another day?
on you own and though you feel alone
you are alive
don't you know
it's just another day?

you turn around
you're lost and found
looking for someone
who will understand
or hold your hand
you count the days
a hopless case
but for the first time
you will wait for me
patiently

on your own and
though you feel alone
you are alive
you are alive
don't you know
it's just another day?
all alone into this
world we're thrown
you are alive
you are alive

don't you know
it's just another day?
on your own and
though you feel alone
you are alive
you are alive
don't you know
it's just another day?
on your own and
though you feel alone
you are alive
you are alive
don't you alive
it's just another day

~going back~

2004-05-17T18:23:00.000+08:00

first day back at school today...

sooooooo boring....i'm sorry but that's e only word to describe today...i noe my vocab sucks...ohwells

these guys from e saf something came and sang for us to promote their concert...they can go really hIGh..like lee from blue..haha..after that, we had e normal chapel which felt excruciatingly long...after that had this meeting for e lit tour to england...then watched macbeth...something else that was excruciatingly long...i couldn't find a comfortable position to sit in and sorta fell asleep towards e end of e session...we didn't finish watching it...after recess markers went thru geog and hist...it's really stupid how they do it...they go thru e answers without giving our exam scripts back...please explain to me how we're supposed to remember what we wrote...then e last half and hour, everyone simply messed around or slept..yupp...i slept...after school..had a meeting then rallied with hannah for some time while waiting for mum to come pick me up...skipped french cuz i'm just too damn tired...

told u my day was boring...

why do some have to be so unreasonable?
why must people be bias towards some?
why is everyone treated differently?
why is there unfair treatment?
why is life so unfair?
there are so many questions that need answering...but there's no one to answer them...
why oh why is life so sad and pathetic?

~the end~

2004-05-16T16:55:00.000+08:00

YAY!!!

e exams are FINAllY over...BUT.but i think i did extremely badly...ohwells...what's done is done...this is all part and parcel of life...i did really really badly for my french tho...argh...

on friday, went to watch troy at ps with nicole, deborah, jo and melissa...so fun...nicole cried...wanted to cry too...very sad...but really wanna watch it again..:)

on saturday...woke up early..jo kinda woke me up when she smsed me...hrmphs...nvm...couldn't sleep anyways...in e afternoon..headed to wheelock place for dessertcumtea with some squashies and mr ong, ms tang and peiling at e Big O...jo and i oredered e Banana Fudge Brownie or something...we kept wondering if it was our order cuz there was no banana...ohwells..then we all headed to ps..we went to e arcade and hung around there for a while..hannah's bag got stolen while she was playing this game...poor girl...hung around til everything was ok...yupp...

damn...i thought it was over...i really thought that all of it was over...but it's not...it was just e beginning i suppose...stressed even tho exams are over...i wish it would end...i really do...i just wanna get outta here...away from it all...